Telling family about a dementia diagnosis
Telling family members about a dementia diagnosis is one of the hardest conversations you'll face — and one of the most important. How and when you have these conversations shapes how the family will work together over the years to come. There is no perfect way to do it, but there are approaches that help.
Who to tell and when
The first decision is who needs to know, and in what order. The person with dementia should be at the centre of these decisions wherever possible. Close family — spouse, adult children, siblings — usually come first. Extended family, close friends, employers, and neighbours can be told at the family's own pace. There is no obligation to tell anyone before you are ready.
How to have the conversation
Choose a quiet, private setting. Use plain language — "Mum has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's" rather than medical jargon. Be prepared for a range of reactions: shock, denial, grief, anger, or practical questions. Have basic information ready — what type of dementia, what the doctors expect, what changes (if any) have already happened. Acknowledge that nobody has all the answers yet.
Involving the person with dementia in decisions
A dementia diagnosis does not remove someone's right to make decisions about their own life. In the months and years after diagnosis, most people retain the capacity to make important choices about where they live, who they see, what care they want, and how their finances are handled. Honour that for as long as possible. Their voice matters most.
When family members disagree
Disagreements among family members are almost universal. Some siblings want to act immediately; others want to wait. Some want to discuss the diagnosis openly; others want it kept private. These disagreements are often rooted in different relationships with the person diagnosed, different geographical proximity, and different levels of practical involvement. Try to focus on what is best for the person with dementia rather than on past family dynamics.
Deciding on a primary family contact
Health professionals, the local authority, and care providers will often need a single primary contact in the family. This is usually, though not always, the person with Lasting Power of Attorney. Choose someone who lives nearby, is willing to take calls during the working day, and can communicate clearly with the wider family. Backup contacts prevent burnout.
Building a family care plan
A simple written plan — even a single page — helps. Who attends medical appointments? Who manages day-to-day finances? Who handles the relationship with care professionals? Who does the practical caring tasks, and how often? Reviewing this every few months as the situation changes prevents resentment building up and ensures nobody is carrying more than they can.